As I sit at my computer, I struggle to put in words what I feel.  Please hang with me as I sort through my thoughts. 

It has been over a month since the Uganda trip for Compassion International.  I remember being moved to tears reading some of the blog posts about beautiful children living in horrid conditions and orphaned children with nothing but the help that others provided.  I was so touched that we decided to sponsor another child with Compassion. 

But now that I’m not reading about these kids every day, I struggle. 

I struggle with apathy.
I struggle with materialism.
I struggle with discontentment.
I struggle to remember the needs of others.
I struggle to live the selfless life that Christ has called us to live.

I feel a great sadness in my heart because I know how I want to live and yet, I am not fully living it.  As I read the New Testament, I find myself more and more feeling like I would be one of the people Jesus would have called a “white washed tomb.”  People who know me would never dream of my struggles.  I am the typical American christian.  I go to church.  I am kind to the people at the grocery store.  I pray.  I tithe.  (Okay, that may not be typical.) I don’t cuss.  I don’t lie.  I stay away “bad” movies. 

But isn’t there more? 

Christ said He came to give us not just life, but abundant life.  I want it.  I don’t want to settle for anything less.  I am tired of living a “good” life because I don’t think that’s all that Jesus died for.  He did not die on a cross and raise from the dead just for me to live a “safe” life.  He did not die and raise again for me to live out the “American dream.” 

I am currently reading a book by Will and Lisa Samson called Justice in the Burbs: Being the Hands of Jesus Wherever You Live.  Do not read this book unless you want to be challenged.  I plan to blog more about the book at a later time, but here is a blurb to let you in on what I’m experiencing. 

Most of us, at different levels of awareness, understand this [safe] nature about the suburbs.  The burbs are safe, but they are safe at the price of keeping out questions of need, questions of poverty, questions of insufficiency.  In fact, they are designed to maintain an illusion of a particular life, the American dream, where no one is needy, where there is a chicken in every pot and a car in every garage…Who wants to witness suffering, poverty, or need?  Yet for those who are followers if Jesus, suffering is bound up in the story by which we live.

More later.