I haven’t touched my blog in so long, now that I have found facebook and other ways to waste my time.  But I need to get out some thoughts and writing in my journal takes a lot longer than typing.  So, here I am.

I love Jesus.  I don’t love church and I certainly don’t love religion.  But I do love the person of Jesus.  He is my Saviour.  The One who has saved me from my sin, has set me free from myself, to love and to be loved.  I know there are a lot of opinions about Jesus.  But no one can tell me that my relationship with him isn’t real or that he hasn’t changed my life, because he has.

With that said, I often struggle in my daily walk with him.  I am told that I should spend time with him daily, both in scripture and in prayer.  In the Bible, Jesus talks about things like abiding in him and remaining in him.  I long for this.  In my limited, finite mind, I think that if someone says she loves someone, that someone would be a priority.  If my husband says he loves me passionately, but never makes an effort to get to know me more or even spend time with me, it’s ambiguous.  Shouldn’t the same principle apply to my Lord?  I ask and answer the question myself:  yes.  If that is the case, why is it that I struggle so much to abide with him and spend time with him each day?  I can repent of laziness, neglect, lack of discipline, etc.  But none of this means anything if I don’t do something about it.

I know that my “daily devotion” doesn’t have to look a certain way.  Jesus didn’t spell out a formula for this.  But without a formula, I tend to be lost.  I cannot cook without a recipe.  Just ask my husband.  I need someone to tell me what to do.  I suppose in regard to my spiritual life, that someone should be the Holy Spirit.  He is my counselor and guide.  But it still seems all so ethereal at times.  I don’t want to super-spiritualize anything.  I want to keep it simple.  But sometimes it feels so difficult to connect with God.

Like I said, I do love Jesus.  I love him very much.  Why is this so difficult?  

I’m not really asking for anyone’s comments, if someone happens to read this.  Like I said, I’m blogging pretty much for myself right now.